Imagine stepping into a world where certain memories resurface with blurred images, fragmented and distorted timelines, unceremoniously shrouded and masked with a caricature of emotions, making one question the authenticity of their existence. They cascade seamlessly in a lucid whirlwind of chaotic, dissonant vortices, evoking peculiar emotions that invariably alter one’s perception of reality: the unrestrained wanderings of a scrupulous mind.
Entangled and enmeshed within a chasm of uncertainty, confusion and melancholy, one discerns that the bridge between reality and illusion is cocooned in opaque perception, tainted by the eerie darkness of intricate emotional landscapes, oscillating between dimensions. When provoked by external stimuli, memories (unstable beneath the veil of existence) seep through a void so profound, they confront a mind whose fundamental capacity to process information, along with its sustained ability to reason and express thoughts coherently in a linear way, seeks validation and epistemic assurance.
The narrative of the book Audition commences within a timeline, wherein an accomplished, middle-aged theatre actress, the narrator of the story, finds herself enmeshed in a murky psychological entanglement with a young man, Xavier, who claims to be her biological son, despite her vivid memory of never having borne a child. Part one of the book unfolds the narrator’s journey as she navigates the avalanche of emotions, grappling with the trajectory of her relationships, both with her husband Tomas, a writer and with Xavier, whose insistence destabilises her sense of identity. Kitamura deftly plays with time, as the narrator concomitantly finds herself engulfed in a chasm of recollections and existential situations, with the story oscillating fluidly through timelines to enumerate the myriad sentiments she experiences with unflinching precision.
Here, one is compelled to interrogate the very existence of perception, memory, and the relentless juggling between reality and fragmented timelines, the myriad roles we play while wearing the garb of duality, attempting to justify our performances in daily life. We are all actors upon the grand stage (the metaphysical platform of life) meticulously scripted by an intricate blueprint of consciousness, that governs us through the juxtaposition of experiences, each designed to continuously challenge one’s sanity, self-awareness, perception, and sense of reality.
If continuity and a logical thread of events are what one seeks, then Part Two of the narrative may prove disorienting, with its cerebral, mercurial content now shifting focus to Tomas, who strays, and to Xavier, who is revealed to be the son. The plot’s deliberate incoherence compels the reader to pause, reflect and interrogate the very essence of the unified self, that’s perpetually evolving and reshaping itself in the face of uncertainty.
The profundity of the book lies in its lyrical, metaphorical prose, compelling the reader to reflect and ruminate on the travesty of life and its projections, highlighting the constant ask (the fluidity of one’s evolution) as a pre-requisite criterion for adapting to varied roles one enacts in life. What are we without memories and emotions? Who is to justify the righteousness of our actions? What is truth? Is it merely an amalgamation of all the distorted beliefs we have accepted as reality? If that is the case, then what is reality and how does one truly perceive it?
Reality, perhaps, is what each one of us experiences, irrespective of its moral outcome (right/wrong). But what if it’s a mirage, a mirror? What if every situation or emotion we undergo is simply an illusion, a catalyst awaiting a stimulus with the potential to shift timelines each time that situation is re-enacted, depending on the individual’s mental faculty and level of awareness?